


Bullet

by shnuffeluv



Category: NCIS
Genre: Acrophobia, Depression, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Possible Character Death, Song Lyrics, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 17:49:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14959244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shnuffeluv/pseuds/shnuffeluv
Summary: Based on the songBulletby Hollywood Undead. He's had enough, now it's time for him to jump.





	Bullet

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, before you ask, I'm doing fine, this song just struck a chord and I wanted to write something about it. Second of all, I'm including a link to the music in a YouTube video at the bottom of this note if you so choose to listen and understand the lyrics throughout the story. (The end has a child singing the lyrics, and some may find that disturbing, so be warned.) Lastly, I hope you enjoy!
> 
>  _Bullet_ by Hollywood Undead: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lP077RitNAc

_My legs are dangling off the edge,_   
_The bottom of the bottle is my only friend,_   
_I think I'll slit my wrists again and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone._

 

Looking down at those poor, oblivious passerby had never made him cry before, but today something was striking his heart in all the wrong ways. The ones that made him hopelessly sob, like the crybaby every child he ever knew claimed he was. He hated this, the fact that he could only ever take the cowards way out. His father was right, he was always right, wasn't he? and that, more than anything else, fueled this hatred, this loathing, into becoming a catalyst.

  
_My legs are dangling off the edge,_   
_A stomach full of pills didn't work again,_   
_I'll put a bullet in my head and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone._

 

Gibbs would never approve, but this wasn't Gibbs' problem anymore, now was it? He bit back a hysterical laugh, one that might make him fall over the ledge before he planned to jump. He was always scared of heights, and for good reason. If he made one slip he wouldn't have control of how he died. Good thing he wanted to die, today.

_Gone too far and yeah, I'm gone again,_   
_It's gone on too long, tell you how it ends,_   
_I'm sitting on the edge with my two best friends,_   
_One's a bottle of pills, one's a bottle of gin,_

 

Someone looked up, and screamed. Suddenly everyone down below was looking up, and he internally sighed. No one liked death, true, but why did people have to scream when they saw it in progress? It's because you're hesitating, idiot, that they have to be aware of this. Now at least five different people were on their phones, no doubt calling the police. He rolled his eyes. Like that was going to stop him. No one could stop him jumping. Not even Gibbs. Not today.

  
_I'm 20 stories up, yeah, I'm up at the top,_   
_I'll polish off this bottle, now it's pushing me off,_   
_Asphalt to me has never looked so soft,_   
_I bet my mamma found my letter, now she's calling the cops,_

 

The door to the roof opened and he glanced over his shoulder. Gibbs was standing there, eyes frantic. He turned fully, his back facing the street he was about to swan dive onto. "Well?" he asked. "You've come to arrest me, Boss?"

"Tim," Gibbs said, voice sounding like he was being strangled. "Step away from the ledge."

Right, because that was totally happening. He had written goodbyes to everyone, Gibbs had found his early. It was a shame, he didn't want Gibbs to watch this. But some things were unavoidable.

  
_I gotta take this opportunity before I miss it,_   
_'Cause now I hear the sirens and they're off in the distance,_   
_Believe me when I tell you that I've been persistent,_   
_'Cause I'm more scarred, more scarred than my wrist is,_

 

When he made no move forward, Gibbs started to take a step, and he leaned back. "Don't come any closer, or I  _will_  jump," he said firmly. "Believe me, Boss. I'm a man of my word. Always have been, and always will be. And I always said I'd never live to see past thirty."

Gibbs never looked away, didn't flinch. Well, he always had guts. That was something no one could argue against. "Tim, come down from the ledge, we can talk about this, okay?"

  
_I've been trying too long, with too dull of a knife,_   
_But tonight I made sure that I sharpened it twice,_   
_I never bought a suit before in my life,_   
_But when you go to meet God, you know you wanna look nice._

 

"Talk about what?" he asked, turning his head toward the direction he could hear sirens coming from. "Everything is done. All that's left is one tiny, literal, step. Then I never have to worry again."

"Tim--"

"Stop using my name, would you? It's not endearing me to you any, and you just sound like a broken record," he said, head snapping back over to Gibbs. "All I wanted to do was give you one last good-bye. Not end this on such a bitter note. But you never could follow instructions, could you, Boss?"

_So if I survive, then I'll see you tomorrow, yeah, I'll see you tomorrow._   
_My legs are dangling off the edge,_   
_The bottom of the bottle is my only friend,_   
_I think I'll slit my wrists again and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone,_

 

"What are you worrying about?" Gibbs asked, eyes desperate, voice pleading. "We can get rid of it, together, and you don't have to jump."

"Bit difficult, when the thing you're worrying about is life itself," he said, a twisted smirk marring his face. His face was wet but he didn't dare wipe away his tears. They were just a testament to how screwed up he was, and he was tired of hiding that fact.

  
_My legs are dangling off the edge,_   
_A stomach full of pills didn't work again,_   
_I'll put a bullet in my head and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone._

 

The sirens were getting closer. There were people starting to crowd the sidewalk below, though no one dared to stand directly below him. Smart. But his time was running out, and running out fast. He closed his eyes, his face screwed up in pain once more. He thought he was done crying. He thought he wouldn't have to worry about that anymore. Evidently, he was wrong. He turned to face the street again, looking over his shoulder at Gibbs. "Might want to close your eyes for this bit, it's quite messy," he said.

_We hit the sky, there goes the light, no more sun, why's it always night?_   
_When you can't sleep, well, you can't dream,_   
_When you can't dream, well, what's life mean?_   
_We feel a little pity, but don't empathize_   
_The old are getting older, watch a young man die,_

 

"Tim, please," Gibbs whispered. "We can work through this. Don't do this to yourself. This isn't a way to fix anything."

"Did you know that brain development stops at twenty-five?" he asked, ignoring Gibbs. "That means that to an extent, your life won't improve after that. Well I was twenty-five and still depressed. And the depression got worse, not better, as the years went on. Brain development stopped. So did my enjoyment of anything."

  
_A Mother and a Son and someone you know, smile at each other and realize you don't,_   
_You don't know what happened to that kid you raised,_   
_What happened to the Father, who swore he'd stay?_   
_I didn't know 'cause you didn't say,_   
_Now Mamma feels guilt, yeah, Mamma feels pain,_

 

"You can still find things to enjoy, McGee!" Gibbs snapped. "Get off the ledge, right now!"

He smiled, shaking his head. "Sorry, Boss, that's an order I'm going to have to ignore."

"McGee!" Gibbs pleaded. "Don't do this!"

  
_When you were young, you never thought you'd die,_   
_Found that you could but too scared to try,_   
_You looked in the mirror and you said goodbye,_   
_Climb to the roof to see if you could fly._

 

He looked up at the sky, sighing. "It's a nice day," he said idly. "I wonder if anyone would even notice anything off at the office after I jump. I doubt it, but then again, that's not my problem."

"McGee, if you jump, I'll never forgive myself," Gibbs said. "Do you really want to do this to everyone? Do you want to have us notify your sister? Do you want Tony or Abby to find your letters?"

  
_So if I survive, then I'll see you tomorrow, yeah, I'll see you tomorrow._   
_My legs are dangling off the edge,_   
_The bottom of the bottle is my only friend,_   
_I think I'll slit my wrists again and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone,_

 

His eyes darkened. "Don't you dare guilt me into living," he said. "It's not worth it. Never has been. And even if I listened to you, I'd resent you for the rest of my life. You'd never see me again anyway. Is that what you want? You want your last action towards me to be one that makes me hate you?"

"If it means that you stay alive, yes!" Gibbs snapped.

  
_My legs are dangling off the edge,_   
_A stomach full of pills didn't work again,_   
_I'll put a bullet in my head and I'm gone, gone, gone, gone._

 

He shook his head, tears falling fresh. "All I want you to do," he choked out, "Is say goodbye like you'll see me tomorrow. Like you don't know this will happen. Just give me that, please."

Gibbs took a deep breath. "You have three seconds to get off that ledge, or I'm dragging you off. Three."

He looked down, to find police cars arriving.

"Two."

He sent one last look over his shoulder to Gibbs. Sorry, Boss.

"One."

"Goodbye."

_I wish that I could fly, way up in the sky,_   
_Like a bird so high,_   
_Oh I might just try,_   
_I wish that I could fly, way up in the sky,_   
_Like a bird so high,_   
_Oh I might just try,_   
_Oh I might just try._

 

Gibbs ran.

Tim jumped.


End file.
